When I first arrived in Melbourne it was made very clear to me that in order to be considered socially acceptable I need to get myself a footy team to support, and fast. The question of how to choose among the clubs seemed to baffle everyone; apparently you’re born with a preference, genetically imprinted into the core of your being, and that’s that. So I decided to let the fates decide and asked the first person to engage me in conversation about it what club he supported. Which is how I became a Collingwood supporter. Perhaps I should have done more research, but as every sports fan knows, once you’ve made your choice you’re honour-bound to stick with it through thick and thin.

Although I don’t go to games or remain regularly updated about their fates, whenever it’s the Magpies against anyone else, I’m for them. To a rabid supporter this may seem scandalous, but since four years ago I hadn’t known the entire sport even existed, I think it’s an okay beginning.

This all comes to explain why I’ve been happier than most to hear of this latest research finding – not only does it serve to put our precious human consciousness in its proper, natural place, it should also warm the heart of my fellow fans on this cold and rainy Melbourne day.